My first weekend without my Bear. 😔💔
Grief is such a funny concept and it’s so hard to comprehend. I’m happy that she is no longer in pain. I’m happy that her afterlife is presumably better than the pain she was feeling on Earth. However, I can’t help but be sad for myself. I know it’s the selfishness speaking. It’s hard because I know I am genuinely going to miss her for the rest of my life. 
I think what makes this so hard is that the exchange was either she stays with me on Earth sick or I have to live without her and she will be healthy. I hope she realizes that what I did was an act of love. 😔
Euthanizing a pet is awful. Just terrible.
Today is my dogs Bears 14th birthday. She’s been in my life since middle school. She taught me what it meant to be responsible for something.
I realized sooner rather than later I will have to make a very hard decision. My bear has been sick for years now, a disease that affects her skin and fur, makes her itchy and is only something manageable not curable. For years, I’ve seen the sparkle in her eye, the way she follows me around the house and the way she misses me after a long day. She’s happy, as happy as she can be. I always watch for that.
Today, she seems different. Luck would have it that this change would occur on her birthday, only further, making me realize that this will likely be her last. 
So today we ate whip cream, some chicken and cuddled as much as we could, which isn’t much but I’ll always hold her like a baby. ((That’s what she is to me, my baby.)) Bear knows I love her and always will, that doesn’t make this any easier. 🥺
I don’t know what made me want to write this out. A fear that I’ll regret not sharing it maybe?
Today as I write this, I realize tonight will be the last evening Bear will sleep in my house. 😔
Tomorrow evening, I have to make the decision to let her go.
Nothing has ever hurt this bad. This pain is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and I mean that.
She’s been my best friend, and she’s been here for me through all my heartaches. Now I have to do this one without her….
I know the most selfless thing I can do now is to let her be free from her illness and from her pain. It’s my final act of unconditional love.
I’m going to miss her everyday. 💔
people who don’t say please and thank you are ugly
